Today is the 12th March 2009 . 

I have no idea why i've been thinking so much lately, too much till i could sometimes find myself stopping at work and staring into space . 

The decision is made, it'll be gone . And i shall feel strong guilt for being like this . 

Ever since the news came, i didn't felt happy till now, i couldn't laugh like how i normally do, and all i have on my face is just a mask, i faked up the laughter, i faked up being a joker, i faked up smiling and i faked up being okay . 

For this once, i really wanna lock myself in the room . For this once, i really wanna know the truth . I couldn't sleep well at night, i force myself to eat because i have no appetite . And i hold back my tears clinching my teeth till it hurts whenever i think of the day that comes . 

I don't even have to mood to club anymore, i just wish i could smoke again . 

It's been long since i felt so dark, feels like i've fell into a hole on the ground and nobody knows . 

是我想太多吗？我感觉你的心，好想不属于我了。

Helpless .